I am a 3 year old baby, all cute and chubby as they say… Some fat-looking-women, which mamma tells me are my aunties, are really irritating. They pull the hell out of my cheek when we meet. Recently I learnt a few poems- “Donny-Donny yeth papa” and “twintle-twintle little star”. But probably that was my mistake. You know I am forced to repeat those poems time and again in front of every fat-looking-woman (aunt). Though they give me chocolates but cheeks are a heavy price to pay for it, I guess. One day, one of those aunties came to our house and very smartly grabbed a handful of dry fruits while mamma was preparing a drink in the kitchen. When she saw me, she started smiling unnecessarily. At first, she said that she won’t eat any biscuits, but I swear she ate all…without even offering me! I even reminded her, that she was not to eat any of them, as declared by her. But mamma scolded me at once. I don’t know why the adults have to pretend so much.
But that fat woman was still tolerable. I tell you of another fat woman who always tries to scare me through ghostly stories. She tells me that if I go into a dark room, a big bear is going to eat me up. And she thinks she’s very smart… Little does she know that I know that in reality there’s no such bear. (I went into the room to check). Nowadays, she’s come up with the police theory. That a police will arrest me and take me to the jail.
My grandmother… I think she’s untouchable because she tells me not to touch her while she is worshiping to god. And she also tells me not to touch the idol of god. When I asked her why I wasn’t allowed, she told me that it was late night and god was sleeping. But I swear his eyes were open. They say that god is powerful… Super powerful. I guess when I will gain power then I will also be able to sleep with my eyes open. It would be wonderful then, as I will be able to tell correctly whether mamma puts blanket on me or papa, when I fall asleep. Both of them take credits and I’m literally confused! But if I turn into a super power like god, then I won’t be able to speak. (God never speaks!) I think it would be better when I don’t speak because when I want to know about something, these extra smart elderly people never answer me straight. They either come up with ghostly stories or they tell me the consequence of what will happen if I do something.
Are my questions that stupid? Once I asked why I wasn’t invited to my parents wedding. I am not there in any of the pictures. If mamma and daddy were busy getting ready, at least my grandparents could’ve called me. They smartly tell me I was sleeping. But I know for sure that I wasn’t invited. If I were asleep, then I should’ve got up while the music was on. Then one day I asked where I came from. They said that god dropped me from the sky. I tell you when I become god; I will never drop children like that from sky, lest they should get hurt. Probably I also got hurt when god had dropped me from the sky that is why they have my zero-day photo in a hospital. But, I am still far from believing the story, because god, I believe is good, and he won’t do so. That too with a cute kid like me? I don’t know why the elderly drive me away from god.
And I also don’t know what goes wrong with mamma in the winters. She makes me wear a ‘monkey-cap’, although there’s no monkey in it, and I don’t get a tail either, when I wear it. But, she herself never wears a monkey cap to avoid cold. Neither does god. Oh god, please make me like you or please make me an adult so I don’t have to wear a monkey cap! I promise you three toffees, whichever is your favorite.