*Goodbye my lover*
This is not a ‘good’ bye. This is in fact, my worst bye till date, because I still can’t live without you, but cannot live with you either.
We are a completely wrong fit for each other. I’m the princess of doom and you are a blissfully content pauper. You’re only born to soar bright skies, but I… I can only bring you down. You try to make me feel alive with your patient optimism about life, but I only kill it with my perennial pessimism. You make me smile when I can’t, but I have only been making you cry. Not that you ever tell me when I hurt you, but I know it for certain, that I did.
Why is it that I find it difficult to breathe without you breathing life into me, but I can’t live without inflicting pain on you? I’ve always been a sadist, but what made you turn into a masochist? How beautifully ugly is this love of yours that you’re willing to die to make me feel alive? Why are you willing to put up with the monster I’ve turned you into? Don’t you know that there’s no sane reason to justify that?
I know you want to save me, but you can’t. This sadness is home to me, so leave meto my plight and let me be me.
Don’t beat yourself. You couldn’t have possibly loved me better. There isn’t anything you could have done yo save me or this dying relationship. This is about me; it always has been… But it is going to end now. It might kill me to live without you, yet I can live with that, because I’m already dead inside. But, you? You are a living miracle of brilliance and you must escape! I can’t escape myself, but you can escape me. You can escape this misery.
You can be free. You deserve better. Or rather, the best. And it’s not me. So, free me from this guilt of putting you through the enticing hell of mine. Get away from this addictive misery before it claims your soul too.
The only thing that matters at this point of time is your happiness, to which I’m an obstacle. I know you would take some time in adapting with my absence. But, I would rather you cry missing me, than have you cry because of me.
Don’t worry about me, love. I have always found a way to live with myself. But I can’t live with myself knowing that I am the one who’s killing you slowly. And someday, as you say, everything will be alright. Or atleast, better than the destructive insanity we’re indulging in.
So, fly away, before it is too late… Give up on trying to change me, and change the world instead. And one day, when I wake up into a new world, that is as bright and beautiful than you, I’ll smile knowing that it is because of you.☺
P. S.- This isn’t autobiographical and isn’t self-composed either. It has been posted on request.